That Could've Gone Worse
by bittterblueyes27
Summary: A normal day of training/fighting the Allies goes wrong for the Axis when things get chaotic and Italy gets hit with a potion that supposedly turned him into a girl. How is THIS going to clear up? (Rating might change in the future)
1. A Normal Day of Training and Nonsense

**MASSIVE. WRITER'S. BLOCK. SHOOT ME NOW. **

**America: Really?**

**NO NOT REALLY!**

**America: Oh... *looks away* **

**Canada: She doesn't own Hetalia!**

**If I did, there would be SO much more yaoi...**

**Everybody: Huh!?**

**I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIIING! **

**Japan: ... *quietly nosebleeds in the corner***

***starts laughing as I'm chased by tsundres***

**England: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM PAIRED WITH THE BLOODY FROG!?**

**France: OHONHONHONHON~!**

**Romano: AND ME WITH THAT BASTARD?!**

**Spain: *quietly nosebleeds in the corner***

**Canada: Um, bittterblueyes27, you should start the story...**

**ONE SECOND! Im busy fixing the 4th wall that SOMEBODY broke... *glares at Russia***

**Russia: What? I had to! **

**Belarus: He's miiiiiineeeeeeeee...**

***fixes the 4th wall* THERE! SHUT UP SO I CAN WRITE THE STORY!**

**America: YOU MISSED A SPOT! *points to my Hello Kitty duct tape, then a patch I missed***

**China: So...kawaii...au...**

**OH, CRAP! *fixes patch* Well... uh... **

**BANANA'S AND CHEESE PICKLES!**

**MUAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHA HAHHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

"FASTER, ITALY! (DIRTY, DIRTY PERVS! *smacks you on the head*)" Italy whimpered in fear, then ran a bit, _just a bit,_ faster. When he tripped over a pebble, A FLIPPING NOT EVEN 1 INCH PEBBLE, he tripped and fell face first on the ground.

"UWAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GERMANY, HEEEEELP!" Suddenly, a boot is pressed on his head, forcing him to become very good friend with dirt.

Italy doesn't like dirt.

"HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAUGHT HIM, GUYS!"

"GIT! DON'T YELL OR WE'LL BE CAUGHT OURSELVES!"

"Look who is talking, aru."

"GLARE~" While England glared arrows at China, France smirked at him and walked past him over to America, who was rudely forcing Italy's eye sockets to become friends with dirt worms.

"Non, get off his head."

"Do I have to?"

"Oui. Treat his lovely face with respect."

"Fine, perverted old man." America stepped off Italy's head, which was immediately showered in kisses from France.

"Cher, you look even more adorable than the last time we captured you~!" France hugged him tightly.

"S-stop...bad touchie..." Italy whined.

"Hey!" England smacked France away from Italy, and held him up by his collar.

"V-ve..."

"Don't MOLEST the boy!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol, he's right, da? He will become one..." Russia came out from from the bush, kolkolkoling, and China, who was closest, yelped and ran behind France, unfortunately.

"Ohonhonohnhonhon..."

"CRAP, ARU! WHY AM I SURROUNDED MY PERVERTS AND FREAKS?!" China ran and hid up a tree, shrieking when he found Prussia, and fell out, landing on America.

"China, WTH, man?"

"Aiyah..."

"WEST! CODE RED! ALLIES HAVE CAPTURED ITALY-" He got cut off when Russia yanked him down from the tree. "And now me." He added into the walkie talkie before England took it away, still holding Italy by the collar.

"Ah...Mr. England sir? Collar...kinda...choking...me..."

"Oh! Sorry!" He let go and Italy dropped to the ground.

Russia was currently hugging a protesting China, while holding a struggling Prussia, France was creeping on England, while England was yelling at America for being a git and self-claiming himself as a "HERO OF THE WORLD!" and Italy just sorta... fell asleep on the ground.

'Cuz he's Italy.

And he can do that.

:D

While they were all arguing, a voice suddenly cut clear across all of their's, waking Italy up and screaming, before smiling and waving like an idiot.

"HEEEEY! VHAT ZHE CHEEZE FLAVORED VURST ARE YOU DOING!?" Germany stood there, obviously very angry at the whole scene, Japan standing next to him, katana in hand.

"Oh, Privet, comrade. We were capturing Italy and Prussia, da?"

"No, YOU VERE GIVING ZHEM BACK TO ME!"

"Yay~! Ve, Germany came to save us!" Germany turned to look at his brother.

"Really? You too?"

"Shut up, West."

"Nein. You are being man-handled by Russia."

"Kolkolkolkol..."

"AIYAH! LET GO IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE WEIRD, ARU!"

"ENOUGH!" England threw something at the center of the group, and there was a loud explosion. Suddenly, there were a pile of frogs where the bottle had hit the ground.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"VHAT ZHE VURST!?" Germany yelled.

"What? You guys wouldn't shut u- AHH! GIT!" France had glomped him, kissing his face.

"YOU DO CARE~! I KNEW IIIIIIIIT~!"

"GET OFF ME, YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"NON! NEVER AGAIN!" As France tried to molest the poor man, Japan woke up Italy by putting a cat on his belly.

Needless to say, it worked.

I mean, who DOESN'T love a cat?

Meanies, that's who.

"V-Ve~? Kitty!" England desperately tried to get France, who was now only wearing a rose...*shiver* off of him with an added rape face, while China and Prussia were caught in a death hug, both having those gloom faces and tears running down their face as Russia sang a cute little sunflower song, with kol kol kol's, and become one~?'s.

Germany, who has been face-palming since the beginning of this war, face-palmed again, and punched France in the face.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOU PERVERT!"

"Ohonhonhonhon~..."

"...RUN ARU!" Russia had faltered for a second, trying to find another bow to put in China's hair, and Prussia and China had made their escape.

"F-FROG, I'M SERIOUS! LEAVE MY CLOTHES ALONE!"

"OHONHONHON~! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S UNDER THEM THOUGH!"

"B-BLOODY PERVERT! WE SURRENDER IF YOU CAN GET HIM OFF ME!"

"WHAT?! NO!" America, who had been roleplaying as a cat ran over and intervened. "WE NEVER SURRENDER!"

"OHON~ That will change once England here surrender's his body!"

"N-NO! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" Japan then stepped forward and pushed the perverted thing off England, pointing a katana at him.

"I do not act for the Allies." He said, leering down in a creepy aura at France. "_But you should respect people's personal space._"

"Aiyah! Japan, why are you so weird?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE HERO NEVER LOOSES!" America tried to sneak up on Germany, but failed when Germany did that awesome punch-y thing, you know, where they punch them behind their shoulder, without looking at them or turning around?

Yeah, he's so manry.

"ZHAT IS ENOUGH!"

"FRANCE! NO!" France had glomped England, tackling him to the ground. England, who had been holding a _very_ important potion (*coughwhosepropertieshadbeenu nknowncough*) flew through the air, hitting Italy on the noggin.

Then it cracked open like an egg.

On his head.

Over the curl.

It didn't affect him, though.

STRANGE.

"V-Ve?"

THEN POOF.

THERE WERE FIREWORKS AND CRUD.

IT LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.

"ITALY!" Italy had exploded.

_OR SO IT HAD SEEMED._

When the smoke and fog cleared up, gone was the Italian man in the blue uniform, but a lovely lady who looked _exactly_ like him.

"...Ve~?"

"I-Italy?" Japan looked at Italy in amazement.

"CRAP!" She jumped up when she realized they were all male. "Where did Louise go? And Sakura?!"

"Um, Miss?" China tried to intervene in her rant. She stopped and opened her eyes at him.

_SHE LOOKED INTO HIS SOUL. _

SHE SAW HELO KITTY.

"RUN AWAY!" She screamed and ran off into the near-by forest.

"AFTER HER!" Germany yelled, quickly following her.

...

Well, that could have gone worse.


	2. Who the Hell are You?

She ran into the forest, pushing away branches and running for her life.

What had just happened? One minute, she, Louise, and Sakura had been drinking tea and talking about war plans, when suddenly, POOF!

She ended up here with all these men who looked _EXACTLY_ like her friends and enemies!

_Tch! Probably some trick by those stupid Allies! Trying to get me while I'm unguarded! THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!_

She ran faster, narrowly missing a tree.

"GOTCHA!"

"AH!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, some fatso jumps out from a tree and lands on her, pinning her to the ground. Struggling to get him off, she looked into the eyes of a _very_ familiar American.

"THE HERO HAS CAPTURED YOU AGAIN, ITALY!" She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

"Hey, Italy? You ok? I didn't crush you, did I? That's not going to be good for my reputation." She opened her eyes and sent him the meanest glare in _history_.

"_Get. Off. Me. NOW."_

* * *

"Italy~!"

"Italy!" France and, sadly, Japan were paired together to go find Italy, walking/running around in the forest to find her. Looking in bushes and around trees. Surprisingly, France _wasn't_ trying to molest Japan.

Curious, he called him out on it.

"Ah...not to be rude, France, but usually, you would be trying to have your wicked way with me by now..."

"This is my precious Italy! My adoring baby brother! Now that he's a she, I can finally put him in all of those cute dresses we designed together!" Suddenly remembering the cute maid/normal/cutesy dresses they had designed for Italy one boring afternoon, Japan perked up.

"As much as she is my friend, let's find her quickly!"

* * *

"..."

"..."

"...KESESESESESESESESE!"

"SHUT UP, ARU!"

* * *

Germany, being the only manry one in the Axis, went with Russia and England, going around, trying to find his dear lo-

ERM, HIS DEAR **FRIEND** ITALY, YES.

HIS **FRIEND.**

**FRIEND.**

**F-R-I-E-N-D.**

BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

"I think Italy will be eaten by the wolves, da?"

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!"

"Both of you, shut up!" Germany hissed at them.

"AHHHHHHH!" They heard a blood curdling screech, none other than that of the American's, and ran off in that direction. When they got there, the found America tied to a tree, jacket and... shirt gone?

"Erm... Hey guys! Hero needs help?" Germany sighed and ignored him as Russia went to untie him, slinging him over his shoulder 'kol kol kol' ing all the way home.

"DAMMIT RUSSIA, PUT ME DOWN!" The merely vodka-pleasure-smiled at him and went back to England and Germany.

"America, what happened?"

"Well, for one thing, THAT ISN'T ITALY!"

"Of course it is, you bloody fool!"

"NOPE. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. NOT HIM."

"How can you be so sure?" Germany asked annoyed.

"Well, for one, I tackled her to the ground and she _growled_ at me before throwing me off her, and then taking my shirt to tie me up and run off, taking my jacket for ransom!" He sniffed. "Lord knows I love that jacket..."

"Bloody hell, forget about the bloody jacket! Where did he- er, she go?!"

"Over there!" He pointed towards the direction of a river, muddy foot-prints sprawled across the ground. Germany and England ran off, Russia a bit... preoccupied with his "Little American Doll".

* * *

"OW!"

"Shouldn't have laughed, aru."

"DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD FLICK A BRANCH IN MY FACE!"

_Thwack._

"OW!"

* * *

"France, what happened?!"

"MY GORGEOUS FACE, IT HAS..."

"...Yes?"

"IT HAS DIRT ON IT!"

"...France, you're, erm, naked..."

"Oui? And?"

"...Please put your clothes on..."

"..."

"..."

"...Only because I respect you."

F_F

WUT.

* * *

"C'mon, America! You're under my control now. NOW SPIN!"

"UGH! FINE, YA CREEPER!" America spun in his American Girl Doll outfit, placing a finger lightly on the corner of his mouth and winking flirtatiously.

"Kol kol kol..."

* * *

England and Germany ran, following the Italian girl/boy/WHOMEVER towards the river, going deeper into the forest.

They could see her in range and had caught up pretty quickly when England suddenly stopped.

TO TALK TO A FREAKING TREE.

WTH, ENGLAND.

"Flying Mint Bunny! Pixie! Tree Spirit! I haven't seen you guys in a while!" Rolling his eyes, Germany continued to run after the person.

"How lovely! I would LOVE to join your tea party..."

* * *

_Damn! They're catching up! Or...at least Germany is. I think it's her. _

_No! It's a trick by those damn Allies! That is not Louise!_

"STOP! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"

"NEVER, YOU F****ING ALLIE!"

"NEIN! I'M GERMANY! I'M IN ZHE AXIS!"

"PROVE IT!" She ran faster from him, and he caught up to her, within range where he could yell at her without the entire world hearing.

Then, he said something.

A code word.

LIKE HELL IM TELLING YOU! IT'S A SECRET!

She kept running, but looked over her shoulder.

He wasn't on the enemies side!

But, because she wasn't looking, she tripped over a rather large tree root that suddenly appeared, and fell over, down a small ravine, and falling into the creek, unconscious.

WHY IS SHE UNCONSCIOUS?

SHE HIT HER HEAD ON A STUPID ROCK.

DAMN YOU, ROCK.

**DAMN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!**

But rocks don't have families, huh?

DAMN YOU NONETHELESS!

"ITALY!"

Oh, right.

He ran over to her, picking her up out of the water, to see a minor head concussion, as well as one on her hip.

"...Damnit, Uni! I asked to capture her, not to trip her!"


	3. Well, Where Do We Take Her?

"ITALY!" Germany ran to the girl's side, picking her up from out of the river, and checking over her body for injuries. The other nations came through the random shrubbery, and stayed at the top of the ravine, watching as Germany took off his jacket to wrap Italy's head in it, carrying her bridal style back to the others.

"She's got minor injuries. She'll be fine. Let's, ah... call a truce in the war until we get this whole ordeal figured out?"

"Agreed." They all said.

"Hai, but she freaked out after seeing the Allies... maybe we should take her home first."

"Ja, probably the best."

"Hey, has anyone seen China?" Russia asked.

"...Why is America dressed like that?" France asked, looking at the American Girl Doll dress with distaste.

"Don't ask, bro." America had massive gloom lines plastered on his face.

"OW! STUPID CHINA! OW!"

"IF YOU WOULD KINDLY SHUT THE HELL UP ARU, I MIGHT NOT HURT YOU!" China, wearing the little ribbons Russia had put on him earlier, most of them torn.

"AND YOU, TAKE THESE DAMN RIBBONS OFF, RUSSIA!"

"Why? They look cute~! Besides, I super-glued them in! So, nyet comrade."

"I AM SO KILLING YOU, ARU!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! We found Italy and she's injured. Let's get her back to the house!" England shouted at them.

"Erm... Japan and I will take her. I don't think it would be a good idea to show you our house because-"

"Once this truce is off you think we're going to use the information to our advantage?" England interrupted. "Makes sense from that perspective, but you could always drive us there while we were blind-folded so we don't know."

"..."

"What? I wouldn't want the Axis to know where our house is! Although, I bet you guys already know what with how loud America is..."

"HEY!"

"See?"

"Well... we could take you to my house. I'm not currently using it and you already know where it is." Germany said.

"Alright, aru."

"That sounds like the best plan, da?"

"Sure."

"As long as Italy is safe."

"Hai."

"Sure, sure, as long as you have hamburgers!"

"Hamburgers are for the weak! Eat some wurst, instead, it's AWESOME!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"


End file.
